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| Sacred Science |
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| John Keely's Sacred Science |
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Topic: Jokes Section: Zen of Sarcasm Table of Contents to this Topic |
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The Zen of Sarcasm 01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone. Ê 02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. Ê 03. ÊIt's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Ê 04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. Ê 05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. Ê 06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. Ê 07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Ê 08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. Ê 09. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you. Ê 10. Ê Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Ê 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment. Ê 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Ê 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. Ê 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. Ê 15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. Ê 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Ê 17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Ê 18. ÊThere are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. Ê 19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. Ê 20. ÊExperience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Ê 21. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê Ê AND 22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. |
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