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| Sacred Science |
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| John Keely's Sacred Science |
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Topic: Jokes Section: Dog and Cat Diaries Table of Contents to this Topic |
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Dog Diary vs Cat Diary Dog ' s Diary entries.... 8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! Excerpts from a Cat ' s Daily Diary.... Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,Ê while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eatÊ something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am . The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.Ê I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now.... |
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