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| Sacred Science |
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| John Keely's Sacred Science |
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Topic: Jokes Section: Cat Diary Table of Contents to this Topic |
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The Cat's Diary : Day 183 of my captivity: My captors dine lavishly on fresh meat while I am forced to eat dry cereal, and they continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Day 184: Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan. Day 185: There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. I was tormented by the smell of food. However, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has me worried. He has got to be an informant. He speaks with the humans regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait...it's only a matter of time. |
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